Part 2 The Ugly

April an Aries

The neon orange at the tip… The inhale… The glow brightens and fades… The ash replaces the glow… And with an exhale… She created the galaxies, stars and all… From nothing comes everything… The slow beginning of the end…

She smiled and I read what was written again… I showed her the phone… She laughed and smiled again… Not a word was said… And I knew it was over… Done… Complete… Ran its course… Finished… The story had climaxed… Nothing more to add… Nothing more to write… I thought… Why are there so many words for an ending and yet there are only a couple for beginning or start…

She closed her eyes as she laid her head on my lap… I held the blunt off the side of the couch just thinking as I began staring at the black screen… The TV had been there all night but we never turned it on… We just sat for hours in the silence… Barely any light… I could tell I was falling asleep… So I set the blunt on a plate… Her hair up… A thin gold chain around her neck… She was in just a tee shirt and her panties… Yet she was sticky with sweat… It was that south Texas heat… I grabbed the water bottle and took the pills… And we both fell asleep… On the couch… Me sitting down with my head on my fist… Her laying down with her head on my lap…

Dreams and nightmares… Of being stuck… Being trapped in a basic life… In these dreams I had a family and a job… And I worked hard… I was the perfect husband and father… And like always I would realize it was a dream and try to force myself awake… Crying out in my sleep… Wake up!... Wake up!...

She woke me up… Saved me… Sweating… Her head on my shoulder and her leg over me… We had left the blinds open and the sun admired its view into our world… I moved her off me and closed all blinds and curtains… I laid back down next to her… Me with my back to the couch and I held her as we both fell back to sleep…

I woke up laying on my back… This time to the smell of breakfast… I could hear her put in work on the stove… I could taste my breath… Horrible… I looked at the coffee table and saw the half empty bottle of wine… The blunt still asleep on the plate… A bottle of water… The prescription pills… I sat up… I downed the water… My phone was there too but I ignored it… Nothing and no one worth checking on… I stood and looked behind me…

She was in the kitchen… Still in just her panties and a tee shirt… But she had her headphones on and she danced to music I couldn't hear… She looked at me… And smiled… Still nothing was said… Just a smile…

She brought me a plate… Some eggs, some bacon and toast… She ate the toast… I ate the rest… Then she took the plate and put it in the sink… I got up went to the restroom… I pissed… Washed my hands and brushed my teeth using my finger… She entered the restroom… Still saying nothing… She stood behind me with her hands wrapped around me… She stared in the mirror at us… As I went to walk out of the restroom I let her lead and I held her hand…

She sat sideways on the couch… Facing me… I sat facing the Tv… She smiled… I turned to look at her… And still she said nothing… I laid down with my head on her lap… She massaged my scalp with her fingers barely pressing her nails down… I closed my eyes… And as she massaged my scalp… She stared at the blank screen… I am not much of a TV show person… I don't watch sports or anything really… I assume she watched tv but she still didn't turn it on… She just sat there lost in her thoughts…

She created the galaxies, stars and all… From nothing comes everything… And as a man… We are the destroyers of worlds… A sickness… A cancer on everything a woman creates… As quick as a woman produces, a man destroys… We make promises… We create beautiful words that build nothing except a road of broken dreams and broken hearts… We don't deserve women and yet we take everything good about a woman and ruin it…

Gold

She shook me… I opened my eyes and she said “Lets go to the room.”..

Gold… A simple, thin gold chain around her neck… She wore nothing else… The bed sheet over her body… Hugging all the right places… She smiled showing her teeth… I smiled back… I wanted to hold onto this moment… Hold onto it with both hands… Seeing her happy… Seeing her carefree and truly fucking happy… It made me happy… And her smile stayed… Frozen to her face… Even as I felt my smile fading… True fear… I was scared that I couldn't keep this moment… The realization that I was going to lose this moment because of time… Time always forces us in directions we can't predict…Time always forces us to move on… Moments can be engraved to memory but those memories are never the moment… They are simply copies of copies of copies of the moment…

I turned away not wanting her to see my smile fade… She got closer to me… She put her leg over me… And her arm as she laid on me… She said “Don't turn away.”... And she laughed… And I gave my best fake smile… I kissed her on her forehead… And squeezed her pressing her body to mine… Showing her through actions how much she meant to me… And inside I was dying… Dreading the moments end… Dreading that we had to get up… We had to live our lives… It is simply not possible to stay in bed and hold onto happiness forever… I pulled the sheet over both of us… And I kissed her… Putting her on her back as I got in between her legs… I looked from her thin gold chain… Into her eyes… And she bit her lip as I pressed up against her… She said “Hurry I have to go to work.”... And right there… My heart broke… My worst fear becoming true… We are all so brave… We all swear we want true love and would do anything for it and yet… We are slaves to a life that dictates its own destiny upon us… Time always forces us to move on…

Somethings we don’t Talk about

No diploma… No hopes of community college… She just accepted that her life was… Well… It was what it was… She worked at a smoke shop… Selling cigarettes and drug accessories… In between the pot heads that tried flirting with her as they paid for their items… She would stand at the register and just zone out… She would think about how she had no one close to her that she could trust… Her mom chose dope over being a mom… And her dad was locked up so he wasn't there when she needed him most… She was sexually assaulted in her home while her mom was passed out in the same room with a needle in her arm… Damn… She didn't think of herself as strong… But in a way she was stronger than most… Because she never allowed herself to be a victim… She still loved humanity… She still saw the best in people… She still trusted at first introduction… She wasn't a fool though… She never thought of a future… Because she knew the future… The future was what it always was… Disappointing and full of pain… So she lived her life... Thinking... Its better to just enjoy the now… She checked the time… She couldn't wait to get off work… She was going to party and be with the one man who made her forget… Forget the disgusting past that had shaped her destiny…

4AM

4am… Dark hardwood floors throughout the house… Carpet in the bedrooms… A/C stays on… House is too cold for most… Fridge lacks any kind of food… Just water, beer and random chasers… No dishes… Just paper plates… Plastic cups and silverware… Island sticky from spilt liquor… Sink filled with used cups… Stove covered in pizza boxes… Pizza is too old to eat… And not old enough to smell… Folded chairs line the wall… Someone is passed out by the back door… They are covered with a towel… Even though… There is a blanket and pillow on the floor next to them… Blinds bent and near broken from people looking outside… Ping pong balls across the floor… Beer bottles with cigarettes inside them… Some of them standing… Some of them on their sides… Broom posted up in the corner… A broken cell phone next to the broom…

In the room… Mattress on the floor… Some guy sleeps on his stomach drooling on a pillow that has no pillow case… Some girl is laying sideways to him… On her back with her head on his back… Carpet has a towel just inside the doorway… It is covering throw up… A blunt is half smoked by the open window… Some girl in just her panties is passed out, sitting in the closet.. Random clothes piled on top of her to keep herself warm… Her bra is on a lamp by the mattress… Cell phone plugged into the charger but the charger isn't plugged into the wall…

In the restroom… The toilet has piss in it… Someone forgot to flush… Powder on a hand mirror sits on the back of the toilet… The sink has ashes from another half smoked blunt… Mirror above the sink has lipstick… Cash December in cursive…

I could see the shape of her pussy through her panties… Already wet… I put my hand inside her panties and tried to make her cum with just… My right hand… The two middle fingers on my right hand wet… Slight pressure toward the front as I finger fucked her… She moaned and I kissed her neck… Then bit her as I moved the gold chain from her neck… She held my wrist… Every now and then pulling my wrist down to ease the pressure… Then when she needed more… I put my hand by her mouth and let her clean my fingers… Clean them off with her mouth… She needed more… She needed dick…

She kept her head back… Eyes closed as she sat on the counter… Her hands moving from my neck… To the counter as she leaned back… I began to think that this was spiritual… Like she wasn't fucking me… No this was deeper... She was praying as she reached for the heights of heaven… She moaned and I used my hands to guide her… I squeezed her ass… I grabbed her tits… And yet… I was not in control… She controlled it all… The rhythm of her movements in pace with a song only she could hear…

She prayed till she climaxed… Then she leaned forward… Laying her head on me as she smiled and laughed… She said “Thank you, thank you”... Then she used her mouth… After I finished… She went straight to the shower… I followed and she had her back to the shower water as she faced me… She cleaned me… Then she cleaned herself… She dried herself off… Then she dried me off…

(To be Continued)